


We're Still Here

by TWenty197



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Grief/Mourning, Multi, Panic Attacks, Post-Finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:22:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27620645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TWenty197/pseuds/TWenty197
Summary: It's been weeks since John B and Sarah died (At least that's what our resident Pogues think) and Pope still can't sleep.
Relationships: JJ & Pope (Outer Banks), JJ/Kiara/Pope (Outer Banks), Kiara & Pope (Outer Banks)
Kudos: 3





	We're Still Here

Pope shot straight up, panting, drenched in sweat, and fumbled around to grab his phone to see what time it was. “3:45 AM”

Another night with no sleep, and night terrors. This had become his norm since that night almost 6 weeks ago when John B and Sarah died. Pope sighed, wiping his face, before standing and walking quietly towards his closet.

He slipped on a jacket, a pair of pants, and some shoes before opening the door to his room and slipping out. He had perfected moving throughout his house in silence over the past few weeks, he didn’t want to wake his parents, and he definitely didn’t want to talk about how he was feeling. He slipped down the steps and right passed JJ who had been crashing on his couch for the past month after his latest blow up with his Dad, before slipping out the side door.

Pope headed towards the dock, moving slowly since no one on the cut was awake. Once he found what he was looking for, he laid down, looking up towards the night sky, and allowed time to pass. He never slept when he was out on the dock, he just existed.

He didn’t want to burden anyone else with his feelings. Kiara and JJ were the ones that needed his support. John B was Pope’s friend, but he was JJ’s brother, and the bond that John B and Kiara had was one that went beyond description, so Pope grieved only when he was alone. He would sit in silence some nights, other nights he would talk to John B, but on the nights where he found no relief, he would cry. He would let the walls come down and he would sob over the fact that his friend was gone, that he couldn’t find a way to help JJ and Ki, that he hadn’t done enough to keep John B alive, he’d cry over the fact that he too was broken but needed to fix everyone else before he attempted to fix himself.

Pope didn’t realize it but tonight would be the worst of his grieving. Tonight, his tears would be accompanied by another vile creature that he tried his best to hide, his anxiety. As Pope lay on the dock, silent tears falling from his eyes, he finds himself gasping for air that he couldn’t seem to get.

He struggled to sit up, fighting for any semblance of control, and couldn’t move. Pope laid there imagining how broken his friends would be if he left them too, how JJ would spiral, how Ki would blame herself, how his parents would never recover. As he lay fighting for a way out, he could hear a voice faintly calling his name. He continued to gasp for breath, only hearing the sound of his own breath, and feeling his heart racing, before Kiara came into his view.

“Pope! It’s okay, breath with me Pope. You’re okay.” She said to him as she pulled him into a sitting position and laid his head on her chest. “Pope, I’m here.” She whispered to him, rubbing his back and slightly rocking him.

“Is he okay?” He could hear JJ’s voice ask.

“I think he’s having a panic attack.” Kiara responded gently. “Pope, we’re here. JJ and I are here for you.” She said softly.

Pope’s breathing came down slowly and he could finally see that the sun had begun to rise. “What time is it?” Pope asked quietly.

“It’s 5:30 AM bro.” JJ said as he sat down in front of Pope. “How long have you been out here?”

“I... I left my house around 4, I think.” Pope said, still controlling his breathing and still not moving out of Ki’s arms.

“Why didn’t you wake me up? I would have come out here with you.” JJ said, still kind of confused and very worried about his friend.

“I didn’t want to bother anyone. I couldn’t sleep so I came out here.” Pope said, refusing to make eye contact with anyone.

“Pope, what’s going on with you?” Kiara asked. Sighing, Pope pulled away from Kiara and looked down at the dock underneath him. “I’ve been having trouble sleeping for a while now. I started having nightmares about a month ago and I don’t want to burden anyone else, so I come out here and process.” Pope explained.

“Pope, you aren’t a burden to us!” Kiara exclaimed. “I know we’ve all been struggling lately, but we need you to know you can depend on us. We have to be there for each other now more than ever.”

“Listen man, we’re here for you always. I know I can be a shitty listener but if you need me, I’m here Pope.” JJ said. “I’m gonna go get you a water, okay? I’ll be right back.” JJ said before jogging back towards Pope’s house.

“Pope,” Kiara said as she moved closer to him. “you know you can talk to me about anything right? I know that life has absolutely sucked these last few weeks but I’m not giving up on you, and I don’t want you giving up on yourself either.” Ki held his face with both hands, looking directly into his eyes, gazing directly into his soul. “I can’t lose you too. I need you to fight for yourself, fight for JJ, fight for your parents, Pope. I need you to fight for me. I need you to stay with me.” Her eyes welled up with unshed tears as she pleaded with him, she was trying to get him to truly understand her. “Fight for us Pope, because I don’t know what I would do without you.” She whispered to him as she pulled him into her arms, hugging him tight.

Pope returned her embrace, squeezing her tight. “I won’t give up Ki, I’ll fight. I’ll fight to stay here with JJ because I know he needs me, and I’ll fight to stay here, right here with you.” He mumbled to her. As JJ returned, Kiara opened up her arm to add him into the hug. The three of them sat on the dock as the sun rose, holding onto each other for dear life.

“We love you Pope.” JJ and Ki whispered into both of his ears. “I love you man, and I’m here for you.” JJ said softly. “I love you Pope; I love you so much.” Ki said in return. For the first time in almost two months, Pope felt a small amount of peace come over him. He still longed for the days when John B was there to hold them all together but he knew that he could depend on JJ and Ki, they loved him, he knew that. He just needed to remind himself of how much they loved him on the days that were unbearably hard. He knew that he still had a long way to go, he still needed to find a way to sleep at night, but he had faith that he’d make it as long as he had his friends by his side.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. I'm thinking of writing chapters for how JJ and Kiara grieve as well. Let me know what you think.


End file.
